Well, our little one had a milestone birthday recently. She really didn't know it, but she did know a lot of people who love her came to visit, and she got to see some pretty decorations, wear a pretty tutu, and eat cake for the first time. It was a very special day for all of us, though it was actually a few days before her true birthday. When her birthday came around, I found myself rather emotional, though I must say some of the blame for that can fairly be attributed to the hormonal changes that have come up with the decrease in breastfeeding (though still going) and return of my dear old monthly friend that I haven't seen in a long, long time...
Anyway, I was excited and happy but also sad knowing that my little girl is growing up so fast. I can hardly believe it has been a year. I feel like I just had a baby, but I also can't even remember what my life was like without her. As I think about all the things to come relatively soon, like eventually weaning off breastfeeding completely (about which I have very mixed feelings), walking, more talking, etc., I am amazed by how fast children change. It seems like yesterday she was just a helpless newborn who couldn't do much, and now she is a bright, happy, engaging like person with a lot of personality. Of course, the personality was always there, it just took some time for it to come out. Well, my point is that I now understand why people say that kids grow up fast. When I was a kid myself, it didn't happen fast enough from my perspective!
Breastfeeding all this time is something about which I am very proud. It is a big commitment, and I never realized that before I did it myself. It takes determination, a fair amount of physical pain and discomfort, and sacrifice of a lot of time and effort, especially when working. Not everyone succeeds, and many not for as long as they planned. I think it has been worth it, not just for the health benefits but also for the bonding. I wouldn't trade all those quiet moments. She has always been an active baby, and, when she is breastfeeding (or just after) is about the only time she is still, quiet, and snuggly for more than about 30 seconds. I will miss those peaceful, sweet moments, but I'm sure we'll find other ways to replace that. It's also hard to think about her being so much more independent that she doesn't need me for nourishment anymore, if that makes sense. I know I can walk away glad that I did it and feel it was really worth the sacrifice, though. I also will not miss the hours of pumping and feeding that I still put in every day, so there will definitely be some relief.
Confidence in our abilities as parents increased exponentially over this first year. I felt fairly confident from the moment I held her, and it felt very natural to me, but there are always doubts along the way, especially those long nights when it seems the crying never stops. We are way past them now and have also come to realize we can handle anything.
Happy birthday to my beautiful little girl, and happy 1 year as parents to us!
